Is Jodi Arias remorseful because she got caught or for the gruesome act of MURDER? May 23, 2013

It’s hard to get away from the Jodi Arias trial. It’s on every news station and on every social media. Though I have not purposely followed the trial, I did listen to the statements from Travis Alexander’s brother and sister. As tears filled my eyes I could relate to that kind of pain. The sorrow knowing that your sibling died a horrific death, probably pleading for the murderer to stop as the last breaths are snuffed out.

I also watched the statement of Jodi Arias as she pleaded for life in prison instead of the death penalty. I couldn’t imagine what one would say to defend themselves after being convicted of first degree murder. After all, she did commit to the gruesome act.

I don’t believe Arias is remorseful for the murder but is remorseful she got caught. Her motto seems to be, what lie can I tell now that will benefit ME? During her statement she tries to prove that she is a human being that can still donate to society in a positive way. She talks about selling t-shirts in prison and donating the proceeds to nonprofits working with domestic abuse. She’s donated her hair three times to Locks of Love while incarcerated and will continue to do so. She wants to teach other criminals how to speak Spanish, American Sign Language, to read and to draw. Arias talked about starting a recycling program in prison. She describes her childhood and family while using a PowerPoint presentation. Really?? The whole thing was bizarre. I thought, I hope Travis’s family is not there listening to her. And if they are, I hope someone has a container for them to throw up in.

Here’s the definition of narcissism according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. “Mental disorder characterized by extreme self-absorption, an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and a need for attention and admiration from others. First identified byHavelock Ellis in 1898, the disorder is named for the mythological Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflection. In addition to an inflated self-image and addiction to fantasy, narcissism is characterized by an unusual coolness and composure, which is shaken only when the narcissistic confidence is threatened, and by the tendency to take others for granted or to exploit them.”

Sound familiar? It sickens me that she did not start out with an apology to Travis’s family or to her family for what she’s put them through. Not that it would change anything for the Alexander family. Travis is never coming back.

The jury is having a difficult time deliberating on whether Arias should receive the death penalty or life in prison. I’m not sure why we have the death penalty if it’s not for crimes such as this. Maybe the jury needs to study the horrific crime scene photos again and again until they can truly visualize the heinous crime Arias committed.

I NEVER WAS INTERESTED IN FOLLOWING THE JODI ARIAS TRIAL May 9, 2013

I didn’t follow the Jodi Arias trial.  I had a sister who was brutally beaten, raped, strangled, run over by a car, and left naked in the woods.  I find it a bit bizarre the intense following of these high pro-file cases.  People that drive for miles to be in the courtroom or stand outside as a sentence is given seems unnatural to me.  I do understand the enormous grief a family goes through when a loved one is murdered.  It’s like no other an individual will experience.

I speak to law enforcement during training courses on unsolved homicides.  I make it personal so investigators will be encouraged to never give up solving these crimes.  When the three women were rescued in Ohio I had just finished a speaking engagement with the Bureau of Criminal Investigations there. 

Law enforcement needs to be motivated to solve cold cases, the unsolved, and the missing. Citizens need to be involved in reporting suspicious behavior. Law enforcement cannot do it all on their own.  If someone doesn’t listen to you the first time be persistent, don’t give up, you may save someone’s life.

 

 

DON’T GIVE UP! May 7, 2013

I’m headed back to Arizona from Ohio today. May 1st I spoke to a room filled with detectives from the BCI about how important it is not to give up on cold cases. Using a powerful PowerPoint presentation I make it personal. I talk to them about the destruction and heartache unsolved cases bring to a family. So many wait for answers until the day they die. “Don’t you give up!” I tell them. “Without you we have no one to give us answers and some kind of justice. No matter how much time goes by, families are counting on you.”

#unsolved #murder #cold cases #Ohio

SPEAKING ENGAGEMENT BCI OHIO April 30, 2013

On May 1^st I’ll be speaking at the Ohio Bureau of Criminal Investigations during their Unsolved Homicide Training Course.  I consider this an honor and I’m thankful for the opportunity to share Kathy’s story.  Investigators need encouragement to continue to solve cold cases.

With pictures and words I present a families grief, the kind of grief that lingers throughout a person’s life.  Explaining the destruction it causes to each individual.  I stress how valuable a Cold Case Unit is in solving a murder decades old.

My PowerPoint presentation gives investigators a personal account on murder and cold cases. They are the connection to victims and their families, allowing some kind of justice for such a heinous crime.

 

I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THE COMMENTS FROM THE PARENTS OF THE BOSTON BOMBERS! April 25, 2013

Excuse me but I do not want to hear the comments of the parents of the Boston bombers! They are radical, against America, and feel their sons are innocent. The mom was deported for stealing in the US so she doesn’t want to come to America.

“America stole our children.” Really? Yes, and then we let them collect welfare.  So we stole them and then paid them to stay!

We as a nation need to get involved. I know the slogan is “If you see something say something.” I’ve been saying that for decades. With the way the world is now the FBI, CIA, and any Law Enforcement, cannot do it alone. As citizens we also need to take this slogan to heart. “If you see something, say something!” And if they don’t listen to you say it again until they do!!

SERIES~BRINGING ATTENTION TO UNSOLVED MURDERS 8. BE PREPARED FOR DISAPPOINTMENTS April 9, 2013

SERIES~BRINGING ATTENTION TO UNSOLVED MURDERS

BE PREPARED FOR DISAPPOINTMENTS

 

It’s been over forty years since Kathy was murdered in New Hampshire.  The work done on a case that old is minimal unless new leads are presented.  When a Cold Case Unit is in place, cold cases are reopened according to solvability.  Units take into consideration how old the case is, what evidence is still available, what witnesses are alive, if the prime suspect is still alive, and the possibility of DNA.  These are some of the particulars considered.

Over the years my family and I have experienced numerous disappointments in Kathy’s investigation.  Even with these frustrations we always wanted law enforcement to pursue any leads.  One of the heartbreaking aspects to a murder is knowing who the murderer is but an arrest cannot be made because of a lack of physical evidence.  Law enforcement feels the same way; it’s frustrating for them.

Recently someone contacted me with credible information on Kathy’s murder.  I’ve learned over the years to be too hopeful but it’s not easy.  This information was trustworthy enough for the Cold Case Unit to investigate.  They had to wait weeks before they could.  Weeks seem like months when a family is waiting for news.  The information didn’t pan out as I’d hoped but I’m still grateful to the person that came forward.  I would never want anyone to think that it’s not worth the effort to come forward with information.  You never know and I’d rather have a person try than do nothing at all.

It’s not easy facing disappointment but I’d rather try than do nothing at all.  I know Kathy’s files sit in storage with no one planning on looking at them any time soon or ever again.  What I do is for her and only for her. 

This quote from Theodore Roosevelt sums it up. 

“Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.

Here is a summary of  “BRINGING ATTENTION TO UNSOLVED MURDERS.”  I hope it helps someone somewhere.

 

1.     Don’t burn your bridges
2.     Find your advocates
3.     Working with law enforcement
4.     The media is a valuable tool
5.     Victim’s advocates are mediators
6.     Cold Case Units are important
7.     Connections! Connections! Connections!
8.     Be prepared for disappointments 

 

 SERIES~BRINGING ATTENTION TO UNSOLVED MURDERS

I’ve decided to do a series on some things a person can do to bring attention to a loved one’s unsolved murder. This series will be based on personal experience and trial and error from over forty years of dealing with law enforcement and the media. People from various states have contacted me feeling helpless. They want to do something, anything that might bring attention to their unsolved murder. I sympathize with them.

I understand the lack of justice. There’s something very wrong with a murderer enjoying freedom while a loved one is in the grave. I’ve cried with them and expressed sorrow for their pain. I share with them what I’ve learned over the years. The knowledge I give them won’t solve their cold case. What it will do is make them feel like they have a voice. When our conversation ends I hope they always know that I care.

SERIES~BRINGING ATTENTION TO UNSOLVED MURDERS

1.  DON’T BURN YOUR BRIDGES

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary one definition to the word bridge is, “A time, place, or means of connection or transition.” When dealing with others including law enforcement and the media remember these connections are valuable. Interaction with law enforcement and the media will be necessary to bring attention to an unsolved murder. Your goal is to bring attention to a homicide that has possibly been sitting around for decades.

In an unsolved murder years have gone by without results. In some cases a multitude of investigators have looked at the files and reviewed evidence. An investigator that might have made mistakes on a case years ago no longer works it, is employed in another state, or passed away. Don’t blame all law enforcement for the mistakes made years ago. If you want to be involved in bringing attention to your unsolved murder make connections. Make connections with law enforcement, victim’s advocates, the media, and government officials. These connections will be valuable to you now and in the future.

SERIES~BRINGING ATTENTION TO UNSOLVED MURDERS

2.  FIND YOUR ADVOCATES

Since Kathy’s murder in 1971, I’ve met people who display intense passion for the work they do. Whether it’s in law enforcement, the media, or a victim’s advocate. They will go above and beyond what is required of them in their job. Because of this, their tenacity, and dedication they are candidates for the kind of advocate you need. I have not encountered many but when I have they definitely stand out in a crowd.

Your advocate will be willing to listen, sympathize, and understand the need for justice for the victim and the family. I’ve had to accept that some do not care. There are some that care but do nothing about it. Then there are those that have a hunting instinct, a bulldog personality, and giving up is not in their vocabulary. That my friend is your advocate!

SERIES~BRINGING ATTENTION TO UNSOLVED MURDERS

3.  WORKING WITH LAW ENFORCEMENT

In any profession there are individuals that do their job well and those that don’t. Law enforcement is not exempt. Frustration is unavoidable when seeking attention for a cold case. Keeping this in mind will help you to stay focused. Agents are pulled in a hundred different directions. They are overworked and underpaid. If there is ever a time that citizens need to get involved it’s now.

I’ve acquired valuable tips and connections because someone was willing to speak with me before speaking with law enforcement. Unless I know the individual well my contacts are always by phone, email, or text. Respect is required if you want a relationship with those working on your cold case. Investigating a homicide is gruesome, the sights and smells indescribable. Investigators are human and humans make mistakes.

I do not tolerate sloppiness in an investigation but I do understand human error. Look for your advocate in law enforcement. A good detective will go above and beyond what is required of them to see your cold case solved. Their instincts are similar to a hunter looking for his/her prey, not easily discouraged. They will have an open mind and be willing to talk with you. Years later this detective will still show an interest in the case being solved. Remember, don’t burn your bridges, find your advocates, and work with law enforcement.

SERIES~BRINGING ATTENTION TO UNSOLVED MURDERS

4.  THE MEDIA IS A VALUABLE TOOL

In the early years of Kathy’s murder investigation I disliked the media. They were intrusive and insensitive to the pain my family was going through. I looked at them as the enemy but years later understood how important they are in cold cases. Search for your advocate in the media. Find someone that’s willing to do a story on your cold case. Getting national attention is difficult but local publications and news stations are willing to run stories about their community.

You will need persistence and thick skin. Remember, not everyone cares. When you find the person willing to do a story on your cold case they will be your connection for future stories. When reporters move on to other publications this process will have to be repeated. Use anniversary dates of the murder to approach the media. “It’s been ten years since my sister was murdered and it’s still not solved. Would you willing to do a story? I’m hoping it will bring new leads in.”

Reaching the public through the media often creates new leads and anonymous tips. Individuals have come forward decades later because they no longer live in fear. Some leads will be credible and some will not. The key is you’ve created activity on a case that hasn’t seen any for years. It’s important to make connections with law enforcement and the media. Using social media to bring attention to your cold case can produce promising results. Always keep the lines of communication open and don’t burn your bridges along the way!

SERIES~BRINGING ATTENTION TO UNSOLVED MURDERS

5.  VICTIM’S ADVOCATES ARE MEDIATORS

My family didn’t have the benefits of a victim’s advocate in 1971 or 1983. In 2004 when Kathy’s case was reactivated an advocate was assigned to us. At this point we didn’t know what to do with an advocate and her counsel was never used. Since then, I’ve learned how valuable an advocate’s services are. I encourage all victims to tap into the benefits they offer.

A victim’s advocate lends support in various ways to families facing the trauma of a homicide. Often, they are the individuals that notify a family of a murder and provide immediate crisis intervention. They offer support for families and witnesses to the crime. Advocates arrange cleanups of a crime scene so a family can reenter their home. They can explain an autopsy and assist in funeral arrangements. Each person within the family requires individual needs and an advocate helps to provide those personal requests.

Advocates explain the criminal justice system and give updates on a case. They notify families when graphic material will be presented. Victims can make a decision on whether they wish to attend that day. Intervention is important and advocates provide it in areas of the workplace, school, landlords, and creditors. They help to get property returned to the victim. Some property may be sentimental and needed to console a victim.

If a criminal is up for parole an advocate can notify the family. They supply information on the process of a parole hearing and the rights a victim has to attend and have a voice. An advocate can be a mediator between the victim and the investigators. A victim’s concerns can be presented to them and they can communicate those concerns. I have always gone directly to investigators but some may not feel comfortable doing that. Take advantage of any assistance offered to you as a victim. I was barely fifteen when Kathy was murdered in 1971.

I needed an advocate!

SERIES~BRINGING ATTENTION TO UNSOLVED MURDERS

6. THE IMPORTANCE OF COLD CASE UNITS

Before I discuss how important Cold Case Units are I want to express how important local and state law enforcements are to cold cases. Their initial investigation is crucial to a murder being solved. If the investigation was thorough and leads were followed diligently then a Cold Case Unit’s task will be more profitable years later.

In Kathy’s investigation there were good officers that strived to bring justice to a little girl who deserved it. But there were also numerous mistakes made and corruption within law enforcement that hindered an arrest to made in 1971. Homicide Units and local law enforcement put endless hours into solving a murder. But there comes a time when a case becomes stale without any new leads. The consistency on which it was worked on is no longer there.

How much time goes by before a case is considered cold? Some may think it’s five, ten, or fifteen years. In reality it could be cold within two years. The urgency to solve it is no longer there. Officers are called into the field to work on current cases. With other agencies working on current murders, the unsolved lingers in limbo. A case that’s been inactive for a decade could possibly be solved if a team was to reactivate it and it was worked on consistently.

For families still waiting for an arrest of the person/persons who murdered their loved one the value of a Cold Case Unit is great. I’m not sure we can put a monetary value on an agency that distributes hope to each of us, some waiting more than forty years. What is hope? The dictionary defines the phrase hope against hope. “To continue to hope, although the outlook does not warrant it.” This is the kind of hope we’ve endured for years before the Cold Case Unit was established in New Hampshire. The hope that lingers in the back of your mind that one day someone will be arrested for the murder he or she committing against the one you love.

Another definition for hope, “A feeling of desire for something and confidence in the possibility of its fulfillment.” This is the hope the New Hampshire Cold Case Unit gives us now. Every time we hear an arrest has been made in a cold case our hope is strengthened. Some may question the value of the Cold Case Unit. The value has already been proven.

What is the price you would pay for life, your life? If a murderer walks, he walks amongst us all. Some may say, “Why doesn’t the Homicide Unit work on these cases?” When do they have time? How many homicides do you think are committed each year in the United States? Never mind the United States, what about in New Hampshire? When a murderer is not arrested he is free to murder again in any state. One of them could be your next-door neighbor?

What kind of crime does a murderer commit once he’s killed someone? Any kind of crime they want because once they’ve murdered there isn’t anything they won’t do. This is why Cold Case Units are valuable and should be established in every state. Victims and their families deserve justice. Our future deserves protection from these killers.

SERIES~BRINGING ATTENTION TO UNSOLVED MURDERS

7.   CONNECTIONS! CONNECTIONS! CONNECTIONS!

Connections are important if you want to bring attention to unsolved murders.   Make connections with law enforcement, the media, victim’s advocate groups, and your State Representatives.  Don’t underestimate the significance of your Representatives.   I’ve learned over the years that politics play a part in almost everything, even unsolved murders.  To change laws, create laws, and push for attention on unsolved murders your Representative’s views matter.  Ask for a business card and file it.  If an individual can’t help you now they may be able to in the future. 

Think of these connections as doors that open opportunity.  One door opens, which opens another door that opens additional doors.  Opening the first door is usually the hardest

You will need perseverance.  You cannot be easily offended.  Putting yourself out there means vulnerability.  Though you may feel defeated at times don’t give up.  Keep looking for those individuals that care about justice for the victims of unsolved murders.  I promise you, they are out there.  I’ve had the privilege of knowing many on fire for justice!

Each person must decide if and when they are ready to bring attention to their unsolved murder.  For me it took decades.  Time does not change the fact there are days I still grieve for Kathy.  I miss her, I always will.

 

 

WHERE’S HEIDI BY LISA M. BUSKE April 4, 2013

“We need to trust God during the storm so we can use what He has given us as a sail to make it across the ocean of trials.  Sometimes we are forced to anchor in tough weather, but when we trust Him, we do not sink.”

These beautiful words written by author Lisa M. Buske gripped my heart.  I know what it’s like to have a sister kidnapped and murdered.

Lisa’s story about Heidi exposes the anguish a person’s heart endures during a time of waiting.  Knowing her sister has been kidnapped she feels swallowed up by the investigation.  Feeling hopeless she clings to any piece of information that comes in and tries to fill her time with task she is allowed to do. 

Minutes turn into hours and hours into days and still no Heidi.  The anticipation is almost unbearable.  The expression of “pure grief in a parent” will never be forgotten.  “The burden we carry trying to make life easier for others in our family” is one that last for decades.

Lisa was drowning in her sorrow, anger, bitterness, and dabbling with the unknown.  Through a precious little boy, God revealed the way to healing, forgiveness, and Him.  It was then she realized that God did hear her weeping through the night for her Heidi. God used a child, a precious soul, to guide Lisa and show her the way into His loving arms.

Lisa, our paths will be connected forever.  We have endured dark days.  We are sisters that long to have one more hug, one more chance to whisper, I love you.  Our day will come when Heidi and Kathy meet us at the gates of heaven.  In the meantime we labor to help others.

Isn’t it just like God to bring us together?  To God be the glory, great things He has done.

Love you my friend,

Karen